Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
