I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
