Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
