I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
