Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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