my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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