Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
