Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
