BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
