oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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