I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
