I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
