After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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