I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
