I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
