Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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