i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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