It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
