I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
