You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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