Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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