Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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