i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
