I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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