i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
