I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
