he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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