I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
