really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
