i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
