Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
