Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
