So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
