why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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