Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
