A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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