Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
