Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
