I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
