May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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