We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I forgot wine drunk hurts
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
