ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
