the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
