To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
