Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
