Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
