Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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