chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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