My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
