i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
