You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
