We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
