He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
