Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
