you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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