i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
